So I find myself realizing that while I am doing all of this so focused on developing myself, the time is going on, and as there is just some months before I have two years working on this blog, I’ve been really questioning myself if this is what I want to do for the rest of my life.
And honestly, this is where I feel safe, whenever I am having the capability to feel safe. And the things I feel while thinking and writing are some of the best I have, because actually here I am basically recording and process all I know about life out there. It has some terrible pressure to it too and that is something very hard to deal with. Still, this kind of easy reasonable decision doesn’t have a quintessential nature to it, as even if I truly love this place, I can’t feel the love being greater than the feeling of doubt that I feel. Actually, it isn’t also much of a feeling of doubt, because I know this is the thing I can do best, it’s just the perception that this is what I am going to get from life.
Nowadays it seems we don’t experience this fear so much because we can always get divorce or change career if we feel like. It appears to me we live in a time when we don’t worry about choosing a life to live. And that’s great, actually. We are given the chance to experience life in a broader range, but I wonder if it is not something responsible for this enhanced fear of commitment to be considered confinement.
And now, I keep thinking if I don’t have this reaction coming over to analogous system. After all, undercurrent quintessences usually travel through surface projections, as it seems to be how the mind seems to sort out elements in dreams or how we can perceive analogies. So even though I can’t see it like this happening to me, I wonder if feeling it related to this blog wouldn’t also relate to my love life. I don’t feel afraid to actually commit myself with someone. It’s not something I am worried about, and that has its meaning, but it’s good that I question myself on this.