Friday, November 30, 2012

Of Sieging

Some ideas have a quintessential identity to them and so even without complex analysis I feel they are right. And even if Sieging might have gone through a RQ Trial with martial reinforcement, I’ve come to depart their shapes more easily. Sieging comes to me like a constant reminder of my mind. Some notifications of neglect keep popping in my mind until I do something about them. It’s not much of my own sieging, as my mind, the entity it is, making pressure over this other conscience I can more easily define as I.

The trick about sieging is to know how to trigger it. Once it’s triggered, I’ll force myself to work until it’s how I like (or I crumble under it). The problem is that it’s not simply a matter of noticing a problem to care enough to have it have the impact in me to be in discomfort before it’s done.

Usually, the best way for some sieging to start is by making some special kind of mistake. So I keep it bugging me mind (and it can even be thought as a trauma, if one can allow a broader definition of the word) and I’m receiving constant notifications every time the subject comes to my mind, and so I keep thinking of how it could be evolved. That’s one terrible way to develop myself though, not only because it wears out resilience, but also because when it’s triggered it’s beyond my control. I can’t seem to turn it off.

There are several of these heavy siegings in my mind, and there are several of them making pressure to my mind. It feels like some parliament, all this battle of screams trying to have their project approved, while Vesta’s councilman thumps the table ordering silence, in vain. Sometimes I even consider labeling it a mindtrap.