Today I’m too busy longing for yesterdays.
However, it’s only tomorrow I’ll feel them. Only tomorrow I will care for
today, and this inevitable delta travel will follow like this indefinitely
unless I change something about these stretching expectations that never allow
me to live in the present.
I know today has brought me enough mindscapes,
and soon they’ll become crests. But that’s the only way I can feel my life:
through crests of gone experiences that were all mine to taste. Only tomorrow
(and often it’s literally tomorrow) I’ll notice the experience that happened
today was very interesting. Only when it’s no more.
My Wehmut
Process is disarranged to the point that it is constantly trying to
revive something from the past or longing for a future that doesn’t exist, even
when I know I am having a good time now. Still, I can’t fully give myself to
it, and its true impact seems to be only available to be felt afterwards,
through these memories.
No matter how impacting the mindscape is now,
the tomorrow Wehmut will also make it look like it was maybe better than it
actually was, only to make me more guilt of not having enjoyed it better. And
it’s a strange realization that makes me confused and annoyed. I don’t know how
to resolve it, and as it’s going it’s bringing me enormous distress with the
outside complex brought upon myself.
