Monday, December 31, 2012

Of Axiom of Confidence (failed)

Some axioms seem to be very distant to me. Maybe they are qualities I don’t really possess, but once I get to have them experienced at least once, I feel they incredible importance. One of these qualities is the curious and not entirely familiar feeling of trusting myself.

My confidence is very dependent on the feeling of independence. I need to have the sensation that all that I need is me, entirely present in my soul, and so with confidence I am able to be more ambitious and daring, which is fundamental for trances (I hope this doesn’t get fractalized into any axiom of ambition).

Confidence is also present with being comfortable, which is the reason I am rarely confident when being along with people, at least those unknown to me. Those social doubts usually are fought with reason, which unfortunately isn’t one of my strongest axioms.

The motive why this is axiom is such a problem to me is because it deals with my strangely powerful trauma of exposure. I’m thoroughly ruled by insecurity, specially after these months and when Zhu Rong got very strong and suddenly was stabbed in the back by the again all-powerful Ushag.