Monday, December 31, 2012

Of Mental Abilities Inventory

Introspective research has brought me awareness to an immense knowledge of my mind. Even if there’s so much for me to know enough about it for it to be under my control, and it backfires often, there are a lot of beautiful treasures I’ve got from it too. Unfortunately so far I’ve just learned they exist, but these tricks my mind can do are still mostly random events.

These tricks and secrets I’ve found my mind could unlock are going to be called Mental Abilities, because that’s basically what they are. They happen with enough frequency so that I know they are real, but not much I could do until now really made much difference to control them. At best I can just slightly maneuver them, but it’s not like I can’t exploit them for my benefit already.

One of the earliest abilities I’ve learned was the Mindwalking. Since always I’ve learned my mind lingers in places that I’ve recently visited. These are always places have had some importance in me, but even if they’ve commonly a recent place, it’s always difficult (I don’t want to say impossible) to tell when the impact is going to bring the mindwalking. The way I mindwalk is without my awareness, and it was a first person visit of the place, which is by any means a perfect portrait of the actual scenario, but it is indeed a reproduction of it inside my mind, so much that I can walk around, like steering a character in a videogame. But it’s more like watching the gameplay. I have never been able to control it as it always has to happen with a secondary conscience, and if I bring it over my full conscience, it’s no longer a mindwalking, but just some simple imaginative effort. It’s actually pretty much the same thing, but the conscious effort goes with more thinking to recall the elements of the scenario.

Closely related to the mindwalking, is the way two layers of mental activity can be fused to create a different memory or experience. So it’s called Fusion. It’s interesting how often I am just thinking or having a conversation or reading some article and latter when I recall that moment, it comes together with the memory of the place, because it’s only sometimes I can become aware of them happening. But the fusion has some potential I have never been able to master, which is using the fused combination to recall things easier. I’ve always been drawing in classes, but looking at the drawings I can only recall certain elements (and it wears out easily, even if I can still have memories of fusion from this history class I had some years ago). Maybe I need to follow the drawing in a linear progression, just like when I listen to some podcast on the bus and knowing the route I can follow it and roughly recreate the audio, or using the memory of the route to recall when that piece of conversation happened. But the effort I’ve put in understanding it hardly pays off, it’s much easier to simply concentrate on the lessons I’m listening instead of just taking the hardest trick. It’s an effort justified by the practicing of a skill.

Next ability is one that has an actually useful application is the Regurgitation. It works similar to the mindwalking, as things I’ve experienced come back, but it differs from the regurgitation of places. No, regurgitation happens with images and sounds and it happens mostly in bedtime, and I definitely can’t be in an Omega-Sigma situation. It doesn’t need too much Alpha, but Gamma seems to increase the power of Regurgitation (actually, it the regurgitation with Omega-Sigma has happened once, and I would just want those images to go away). And so in this moment when my mind stops the absorbtion and everything comes back. It doesn’t always look pretty, it can be like overflowing sewers, it can be awry things. But in this moment of emerging strange and wonderful combinations arise, and even though it’s beyond my control, these creations are always inspiring. The musical regurgitation, the RMUS, is the biggest prize, almost like an ability itself.

And then there’s the star of the abilities. It’s Musical Quintessence, the QMUS that differs from the RMUS. It’s the trickiest ability so far, because it always comes completely unforeseen. It’s always engulfs me in a feeling of excitement, but it’s also always a brief, a very brief trip. So, it is one of the songs I feel so potent I don’t actually know if it’s a very intense emotion with hints of a regurgitated song I can’t possibly recognize, or if it’s my soul actually expressing itself with notes (a language it could have learned after so much time listening to music). I’ve once experienced a musical quintessence listening to a song already, so the topic is debatable.

A strange ability which I was only able to experience shortly enough for it to get a name but not enough for me to study it proper, was what I was calling Wide-awake Dreams. As far as I can remember and relate to what I tried to delta-retrieve, it was some strange hallucination that felt like a dream while been, well, wide-awake. It sounds pretty self-explanatory, but it feels much stranger than that. It would work by having an emotional response towards something and the usual interpretation of reality that happens in dreams would happen instantaneously. It doesn’t actually feel like flashing into another reality but just a strange feeling that it has been real, which is the same feeling when we wake up emotionally affected by dreams. There are moments when I get exposed to a crest and the whole mess brings peripheral associations in my mind, sometimes pretty clear images, and I guess it’s related to wide-awake dreams, but that’s just one slightly intensified version of how crests usually work.

And then there’s the visual abilities I call Mental Modeling. It’s about I remember dividing it in three, the first one being the regurgitation that is the almost entirely automatic creation of images. Then there’s the Modeling of Vertices, which is something I have more control over it, and it’s when I create something based on an actual creation, and I just feel it enough to play with its shape in my mind. And the one that is probably my favorite ability I have as common as it is, that is the Pareidolic Modeling. The reason I like it is because I am seeing something that is a creation of mine in a random shape. It gives me a good feeling as it’s the power of the Axiom of Creation. It’s the joy of seeing birth.

One of the latest abilities I’ve also learned to have I’ll give the simple name of Enhanced Tasting. It’s simply using my own crests to spice my tasting of things. I’ve discovered it reading novels. It’s called enhanced because there are moments when I can just read a word and feel its meaning so intensely. For instance, “wooden shack”, and I have suddenly elements building around it. Now I am seeing something fragile, and it’s night, and it’s windy and there’s a forest looking scary just a few yards away and I can even create a whole ambient and a story for it if I linger around it.

Now, there’s something which I don’t know if it’s just one minor dissidence from the later, but it deserves to be mentioned, which is how this enhanced tasting makes my appreciation of music change. I’ll call it Intermodal Tasting, because there are some moments when I can feel images by listening to music, something that almost borders synesthesia (which I don’t possess). It’s not even something about the theme of the song, or an enhanced tasting of the lyrics, no, it’s just the atmosphere of the song that brings an involuntary visual comparison.

And that would be it, for now. I don’t know if there would be any new abilities as they come and go on their own. Some sieging can help me delta-retrieve them, but the making of new ones is something that I can’t control. And even if there is anything new, I suppose they’re going to be basically a similar version of all I’ve shown here. Or maybe this is just a sign of me being narrowblind.