The long time trying to be reach a fulfilling state of soul had its price. I became oblivious enough to low my guard to some unresolved pain (though some kinds of pain never seem to be resolved). And as everything being apparently so clear to me came to put me in this state makes me hard to trust the benefits of being so sure of things.
Now I’m so worried about leaving it hidden again that I can’t let it go out of my sight. I have to keep this pain alive somehow, so it won’t come to hit me unprepared again. The consequence is that I am in disadvantage for creative endeavours.
Although my inspiration is so handicapped by this incapability of mine to be satisfied without being put down again, I am too afraid of trying this path of self-love again. It might be exhaustive, but I’ll have to go back to do things the old way.