Thursday, May 31, 2012

Of prices of a discovered life

It’s a very recent accomplishment of mine to feel satisfied and confident about myself. No doubt, that has surfaced interesting results to my life. For instance, I’m feeling so much more productive. It’s such an important realization, to find how self-love has been helping me immensely, that I’m wondering how I’ve been able to harvest all those ideas all these months until now.

And there’s so much more coming from being less insecure. I’m finding people getting closer to me. I’m hearing my name being called more frequently as I’m getting more involved with them, and that’s something I’ve ever dreamed of. I have made more rewarding friendships in these last few months than maybe in the whole of my life.

It would seem like my quest is over, but somehow it is not. It came with a price. Maybe I’ve had my guard lowered and so invading waves would assault me more easily, or maybe it’s my mind, as intolerant it is towards any form of bending for comfort, that wakes up regret before any hint of pride gone just a little too out of the way. In any case, I wasn’t prepared for this crash. Apparently I oversaw the physics of my mind, the way there’s always a fall to follow.

And with that I’m starting to wonder how dangerous it is to find happiness. Just like that, how dangerous it is to have it earned. And so I’m back in the old distress so familiar to me, and I wonder how I’ve bore with it for so long.

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