In spite of my efforts, important things are always falling behind. If I’m feeling well and inspired, waves secretly invade me to bring me down when I least expect it. If I’m feeling down, I can’t practice my skills with the martial reinforcement they need. If Trygve can put me back on track, I get so focused I stop living.
The same goes for my skills. I have dozens of ideas on how to improve them. I am aware of dozens of new edges to improve. And while I’m there improving them, the notion of time passing by falls behind. And when I look at it, the relation of time and development is much behind expectations. It always feels like I won’t be ready in time!
It’s an eternal struggle to get myself the needed balance to feel I’m living life the best I can and developing myself the most efficient way. If I’m not careful, someday I’ll just wake up and realize the whole of my life has been spent in the search for the balance to enjoy life, and I won’t have lived it.