Any form of adopted mindtrap or bending for comfort seems to trigger an apparently wise state of mind that tolerates no deviation. Such inherent skill of mine, to be this just and righteous, ended up making me trustful of the ways of my mind. But as tyrannical as it can be towards any form of unbalanced path, my trust towards these unconscious movements ceases.
The desires my mind wants aren’t all desires that needed to be granted. Some desires, like a need for romantic relationships, require healed wounds and patience for someone you can feel comfortable with their presence for intimacy to happen. Some others, like a desire to feel like I’m actually doing something useful in the world, require even more patience. And also preparation. And mostly persistence.
Some desires aren’t satisfied mostly because of the very stubbornness of my mind. This peace of mind, that never seems mine to possess, would make distracted enough to develop myself, something distress seemed to do quite effectively. But I can’t take all this bashing no more. I should learn of the ways of my mind to grant me the most effective state of inspiration, but no matter what I do, I end up with depression. As my mind doesn’t help me, it’ll need some bending itself.