Thursday, May 31, 2012

Of disassembled selves

Investment is turning into a risky business. The more effort I put into developing this inspired self, the more my other mundane self feels departed, as all elements of inspiration are extracted away from there.

This is the place where I feel comfortable at, where my insecure side is dampened by this isolation (however an increased paranoia). But I’m always being in contact with a reality where I’m so weak. I’m a fool if I’m not trying to make this strong part of me to leak in there.

I long for a future when this inspired self will be I control of the majority of my time. But it’s not uncommon for me to be inspired and to see my reflection somewhere and lose the inspiration as I’m reminded of this me I’m usually trying to get distanced from.
And until I get what I want, I’m always being unsettled by my sight.

But there’s something discomforting about this. These two lives I’m living sometimes feel like being stretched apart. I hope it’s only my imagination, otherwise one of these two wouldn’t bear the tension. And then the most fragile self would be destroyed somehow. Though it’s in the other side where I feel weak, I have no doubt the fragile side of this disconnection is this one.

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