Everything can always become so pointless. My mind seems to be so feeble when it comes to what reality is the most solid one, and I usually go for the one that puts me in major disadvantage. It can be wise but unfortunately very weakening too.
There are moments when I’m most deeply convinced that I’m such a huge fool to be doing this, all of this. A pathetic little being I am for dreaming. It’s not only foolish mistakes, overcreation of names, short-sightedness and lack of professional effort. I’d be most happy if I’m told there are only those petty little things that need to be fixed.
No, it’s much worse than that, it’s the paralyzing prospect this plan of mine is so illusive and it grants me no advantage. It’s the paralyzing fear of thinking I’ve got this road when in truth there’s none and I’m out of any possible paths to reach my objectives. How can I tell if I’m not just bending my mind so hard to convince myself all these silly ideas are actually doing any good? What solid hint there’s for me that I’m actually making even the slowest progress? Who’s here to say otherwise, anyway?
But even this alone, I know I can’t listen to you, Wormtongue. Now I’ve got you terrible thing named, and by being solid like this I’m having an easier time dismissing your terribly persuasive speeches. While I can’t be a fool to ignore all these fortunate warnings, they should most definitely not be more harmful than bitter warning.
I don’t want to look back to this time and remember of the passion I have for making things, creating things and being ambitious and to think I’m letting go of that, to stop fighting for my dreams to come true, just to find comfort in the most peaceful path.
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