For now, the safest comfort for me seems to know I’m actually facing real struggles, which makes me stronger against some of depressive forces. Fortunately, I can know I can find some pride in knowing I’m doing something against the odds.
Being able to achieve something despite these disadvantages is what I’m trying to call Nuclear Victories. These are some real accomplishments, the highest rewarding medal for my soul. On the other side, though, there are humiliating defeats that happen despite being on the higher ground. It’s the humiliation of missing clear shots.
Unfortunately, there seem to be some very scourging nuclear defeats happening to me. These are all the things I could accomplish with my current qualities, the jobs I could have won with the skills I have, the recognition I would have if I had been exposing myself better. It also comes down to the simple issue that is an inability to get myself a girlfriend. Such a simple issue, and still something that, after all my effort, just doesn’t change, a wound still unhealed. I can’t find myself being able to get into intimate relationships again.