Thursday, May 31, 2012

Of unfeasible dreams

I have an overcreative energy that brings me more bad than good luck. Being such a dreamer, I’ve always had this ominous inclination for thinking of things too improbable of being built. But having them only in theory has no use for me.

There are always some ideas of mine, like Spells, that always felt to me like some wild piece of imagination. But wondering and daydreaming aren’t enough for me. I have the intention to understand and bring control over myself. I only feel satisfied in having this creativity used when it’s beneficial to this introspective enterprise.

All those unfeasible ideas sometimes make me feel guilty for engaging with such over-the-top illusive concepts. And it’s a guilt so common to me it’s imperceptible that I only realize it when a huge chunk of relief comes from any hint they can be real and practical somehow.

Always having been this unable to materialize my ideas has created this “crest through absence” in me. I’ve always had my plans so feeble and dismissible that I’ve longed to fortify them (which can be dangerous as such polarization can lead to make me a reality-bender). Being so much of a wild dreamer, and never completing my projects, has probably created in me this deep desire to see ideas being more than wild reveries in order to feel something whole, even – specially – if I’m put into exhaustive conditions.

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