I want my development to happen secretly. I want it to go without noises or calling too much attention. I feel uncomfortable and nervous by being observed by others. I want peaceful development. I enjoy the idea of developing myself little by little, with no rushing. It gives me time to examine the vertices and spot cracks here and there before they become too menacing.
I wonder if it’s possible to achieve greatness while being an ordinary person passing by. I think that would be a fit development route for me. It makes me go without the terrors that push me down as the crest-through-absence of fame calls me, and honestly I don’t want it. That would be one crest to be erased if I could, and I think I could still keep my hunger for development and enthusiasm without it.
However, this might reveal some cowardry as I am not willing to take the risks. It’s in overcoming the refusal of the call that I can reach the success, and maybe it’s where I’m going to fail. But here in the middle of the journey, all I feel is that I might not really need success. It’s the pressure to be famous and rich and renowned that seems to make me most weary. I think that living under this kind of dream, instead of the pure desire to learn is going to make the enthusiasm disappear. And life afterwards would be among roman ruins.