Friday, August 31, 2012

Of hunger for control

It’s a common thing in here, to be ambitious. It’s a desire that comes when I meet concepts like spells or trances. All events that are seemingly random I try to impose my will over them. It happens before I realize it, and even when I do, I’m really feeling hungry for the challenge.

The problem is when I have the burden of the mission in my mind. Why am I ever going for this kind of things? Suddenly I’m finding myself so pretentious for trying to have them tamed and behaving the way I want. But as it usually happens when I’m giving up there’s always a sign of hope ahead.

Some of these wild dreams aren’t so unfeasible as they aren’t control over mental matters. I’m talking about ambitions regarding skills. Leitmotifing and networking of my texts are skills to achieve a quality I might never achieve in the perfection I desire anytime soon, but at least the signs of hope are when I realize they are becoming easier to work with.

I feel ashamed to acknowledge advancements, though. There’s a chance it’s a safe protection against self-inflicted lies (like believing in magical Musical Quintessences), but it could also be the work of some hooded saboteers and Scourgers. They might be refraining an actual ability to gain the control just because of my fear what it means me doing those things. Oh, it’s you Ushag and Wormtongue again.

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