Friday, August 31, 2012

Of populated memories

Are feelings more important than memories making them real? I keep letting this question bounce about my head for months now. Experimentation is more valuable than imagination, but are imagined and transferred feelings worthless?

I have the feeling that my feelings are only worth something if I have true memories for them. And these memories can become more valuable depending on how many people there were in there. If it was a show or a party, the memory seems to be the most important one I have, and my lonely walks in which I experience great mindscapes and extraordinary trances for thoughts seem not to create crests full of impact.

Maybe the reason being surrounded with people has more impact in me because of the quartzes, as people represent the possibilities of prosperous tomorrows with new relationships and experiences. And probably the only lonely memories I feel with fond are some enthusiastic writing and drawing sessions, or then some world-watching hours.

I don’t think my mind should put such a high value on these experiences, as my lonely world of creation is the one in which I’m building a solid safety for my future, one future that doesn’t frustrate me with denied tomorrows like it happens so often with people. Even though they can grant me so much marvelous experiences, and that isolation isn’t going to bring me any salvation, I think I shouldn’t trust my memories to people this way.

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