There are situations to improve in my life where I keep failing constantly. It comes to a point where I start wondering what else I could try changing to make them work. I’ve tried so many alternatives that I wonder if they are just my doings or there’s something inherent in me that makes me fail.
I wonder if there are elements in the logistic of the activity that I could change, like the stroke pressure that could make the drawings and songs look more vivid in appearance (rather than this blandness that reminds me of Ushag). Maybe, if I used different clothes, I would be treated differently. There seems to be clothes that suddenly make you respectable and sexually desirable.
The world is made of substantial facts. One picture that has a better appearance than my reproduction is so because of some very solid subtle shape that makes it the way it is. There can’t be such a thing as some characteristic of the soul being perceived if not through the composing details.
My life seems so mediocre. I don’t want it, but I can’t really change it. I am constantly wondering if there anything I could do to change that, or is mediocrity in my soul and there are no actions that could bring me the illusion that I can change.