Friday, August 31, 2012

Of the interference we can be

Some people seem to be too annoyingly attached to the idea of destiny. They are always looking for signs for things to happen, and let themselves be carried by those winds. It’s a certain kind of passivity towards the wills of the world that stuns me.

I see those relationships starting and ending and I feel a pint of sadness. The usual excuse for something that can’t be maintained is because there are things standing in the way. But there’s nothing standing in the way. The only thing that really is stopping things from happening is when we don’t really want something. When we do we at least try going against it.

Sometimes I feel like I am the only active force in the world. I absolutely hate it that so frequently I must be the one to start the conversations and try to have people stay with me. Otherwise people are just letting themselves flee from me. Only here and there I find someone who is actively trying to stay close, and I don’t know why I value it this much when it should just be the most basic foundation of any friendship.

But no matter what I do, no one stays attached to me, and if there’s ever one who does, it’s always something that wasn’t my hands shaping this bond. I can’t make people stay, and those that do are because of their own mysteries.

I can’t possibly understand how some people live without hope to try making an interference in the world that surrounds them. There is no attachment to things, letting them come and go. Maybe I shouldn’t judge them like that, I feel them striving for their dreams and all of their other relationships, but not saving any of their strength for me. No, the worst is when they’re not being the interference in the wills of the world to stay close, but so frequently having a preference to choose the currents that take them away from me.

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