My memories from some months ago tell me of a prosperous future that was being opened in front of me. I think it has to do when I first allowed myself to feel some merit from my work, and when Leitmotifing and Networking seemed to open such amazing new opportunities.
The problem is that nothing has changed that much. I am as far as I have ever been from writing these stories I want to, or to draw all these images coming to my head. It’s been mostly being worried about unfeasible dreams of spells, delta travels and musical quintessences. I keep putting so much effort in there, while there are still a lot of unresolved issues in the rest of my life.
It was a realization that brought me down so hard when I noticed so many months have passed by without any tangible development that I grew an aversion towards this kind of excitement. It feels so painfully silly to me, this first learning of the possible success.
This foolishness of mine seems to show a nice opportunity, though. It is the chance to pay more attention to this amazement the young feels when learning of the world. These first discoveries, and how magical these memories are. It’s in the first zephyrous storms that came with this new music you discovered, or the first success, or the first realization of the interesting feelings that girl could make inside me.
And then we fail at it, and we can never truly feel it again with the same strength and ingenuity. Oh these human things that we are. At least one can find the ways to remain hungry and foolish.